It's been long since there's a decent post, and I'm here to share an article/blogspot written by my friend, which spoke the words of many queer-minded. LINK
Even though Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been abolished in US, sometimes it feels like it exists at home. Or at work. Or at places where I am surrounded by people who have a bigger say than I do. It saddens me to know I live in secrecy where I’m not able or perhaps, ‘allowed’, to hold my girlfriend’s hand or to even acknowledge the fact that she is my partner and has been for almost the last two years. If reality permits I would have slapped myself whenever I replied with one word answers on whether I’m going out with my boyfriend or any question that has the word boy and friend in it, instead of fully justifying why that question does not and will never apply to me because of my sexual orientation but I am thankful they care enough to ask about my personal life.
It’s honestly not easy being different. The word ‘different’ erks me because it makes me feel like I should be apologetic and ashamed even though I’m not. On most occasions. I would never classify being gay = being different but in this context there is no other word I can think of.
It’s not easy because I can’t tell or share with my parents what I’ve been though, what I’m going through or my plans for the future. Being openly gay in front of my family is like being in a capsule, it’s one of the things which weigh me down. Every time I think of sharing the Pink Dot video with my mother I take a step back and feel like I owe her a grandchild instead of a note saying “Sorry mom but it will never happen”. Sometimes I feel selfish for taking away her hopes of holding a baby, with me beside her on blue bedsheets and wearing a hospital robe. I obviously don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, but I do know what it’s like to be disappointed.
It’s not easy because I can’t treat my girlfriend like how straight couples would treat each other in front of their parents. There are moments where I get sick and tired of having to restrain myself whenever I want to hold Renny’s hand or hug her in front of my family. I hug all my friends but not her. Even taking pictures cause some difficulty because we have to position ourselves properly without looking too ‘close’. I know not every aspect of a relationship has to involve Public Displays of Affection but they make up 80% of my relationship with Renny.
It’s not easy because I can only address my girlfriend as my friend, or have to call for her using her first name. Maybe this void is because my family isn’t comfortable with the person I really am, but how can I make them comfortable then? I don’t know if its cruel to shove the gay thing right into my mother’s face in order to have her accept the way that I am or the way I see things. But it is also cruel to leave her in the dark away from the epitome of my life with no explanations or even worse, with lies.
I’m not implying that my mother is rigid or that she is a staunch Christian. She is a carefree person who sometimes worries too much (like most mothers), enjoys creativity and embraces sarcastic humour. But even with all the positivity along with the playfulness, she is still my mother and the woman who brought me up for the last 21 years 1 month and 8 days. She knows but then again she doesn’t know. She is unaware of the depth of my orientation and how it is to stay with me for many many more years to come. I love her to death and I wish there was a simpler way to show her I sincerely want her to be a part of my real life instead of the one I have been fabricating for the past eight years.
The quality of courage is one thing I lack because I’m too afraid of the uncertainty future events might invite, so what do I do?
Her blog post almost brought me to tears. It makes me feel like, I'm not the only one facing this. I'm not alone.
The society is cruel, but who is to judge what is the norm?
The norm of the society towards sexual orientation, from what we were taught, is BGR (boy-girl relationship). But who sets the rule that you have to love the opposite sex, and that we cannot love people of the same sex? Being gay is not a choice, its just like you cant choose to be black or white, female or male. Being gay does not mean that you are any less humane. Gays can love their partners as much as a wife may love her husband. They excel in studies, strive in their career, they can be professionals like doctors and lawyers, and live life like any other straight people in the society. So why must they be condemned and judged? Why should they hide their identity?
So how fair is the society exactly? How fair are you?
Acceptance from the family is more important than acceptance from the society. I wish I had a chance and the courage to tell my family too. I wish to get their support and understanding, and to share with them what my world is like. It is not as disgusting as how they think it is, because love is beyond culture, race, and gender. I am still their daughter/sister/nieces, just that I'm not the norm.
I hope that one day, I can finally be myself, to express myself freely, to stop hiding, to show how much love I have in me, and that I dont have to hide who I am, and the person I love, and lastly, to be accepted at home.
(You can read an article here which discusses about gayism too.)
“LGBT issues are often swept under the carpet, and I believe discrimination and abuse against LGBT people happens as a result of ignorance and a fear of the unknown,” Choa said.
“Pink Dot shows that LGBT people aren’t any different. They lead normal lives, have wonderful families and healthy relationships and are not the deviant, hedonistic, pedophilic bogey people many have been misled to believe.” - http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/lifeandtimes/activists-struggle-for-gay-rights-in-singapore/447091
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