th cold summer

Skip this if you dont want to hear me whine.

After today’s incident, I think I am a total failure.

I failed as a friend because I offended one, or maybe more. Why am I so inconsiderate? Why so I screw things up so much? I thought although I couldn’t excel much in life, I could be a great friend. But I was wrong. I don’t deserve all of my friends. I fucking hate myself to the core. No, this post is not to gain sympathy.

Thinking furthermore, I failed even more. I thought a lot on the bus.

I failed as a daughter. My father hopes that I can get into university, but I know I cant. I tried my best, but I just couldn’t. It’s stressing me a lot, but no matter how well I do now, I just cant cover the points I lost last time. I want to make my father proud of me.

I failed as a sister, because I think I always make my sister angry and I don’t know why. I remembered one incident that made me damn sad. My supervisor saw my sister in the store and commented ‘that’s your sister? How come look so different? Why you like that?’ Broken. And my sister seems to not like it when people say we look alike. I want to make her proud of me too. I try to make her happy, listen to her, but that’s all that I can do.

Not only that, I think I failed as a niece, aunty, tenshi’s owner and a human. I have no stand, no rights. I only know how to say sorry and cry in my blanket. I tried to think for people, but who think for me? Who can I talk to? How do I start?

Okay shut up you bitch, and stop crying.

I need to go back to my comfort zone.