Hi lovelies. Make a cup of tea while you sit down to read this post. It’s gonna be a long one.

Sorry that I was MIA for so long because I hadn’t been attending school since last Tuesday till yesterday, so it’s like a week?

Why? Many people had been asking me this question these few days.

It’s because my beloved grandmother had passed away last Tuesday morning, 16 October 2007.

After my UT in class, I saw the message from my brother-in-law. He told me that grandma had passed on. I can feel my heart drop immediately. I left the class and rush to the hospital. The stupid cab fare cost like $20 from woodland to Changi.

When I reached the hospital, a lot of my relatives were there already. Brother and sis were there too. Mum ask me to go into the room to see my grandma one last time.

When I went in, the nurses were changing her back to her home clothes. She looked pale. But it seems to me that she was sleeping. I kept wondering if they had made a mistake. Maybe grandma was only in a coma? Or maybe her heart was beating weakly but the system couldn’t detect it?

When the nurse pulled up her sleeve, her arm just hung deadly beside the hospital bed. I knew she was not with us anymore, but I couldn’t believe the fact that she bear to leave us. I went out of the room and broke out in brother’s arm. I thought I could be strong, but I can’t.

After that, we went to arrange for her wake, the casket, tentage etc, then went home to change before proceeding to the void deck of my aunty’s house to prepare her funeral.

At about evening, her body was sent back. It was raining super heavily, that I was drenched even though I was in the void deck. And I am the only one that was drenched because when the rain come, everybody ran to the stairs for shelter and I was the only one covering up the food, documents etc.

Because grandma was Christian (the rest of the family, non were), we cannot gamble or drink there, so it’s kinda quiet, and many people came and leave shortly.

I stayed at the wake throughout the whole funeral without sleeping (Okay, I dozed off a few times) until Thursday night, my youngest aunty asked me to go upstairs to sleep because she said that I looked pale.

On Saturday, we packed up and leave for the crematorium place. The father was praying for grandma, who was laying in the white polished coffin, so silent that I feel like shouting for grandma to wake up and talk to me.

After that, the coffin was sent to be cremated. As the coffin moved nearer to the furnace, more and more tears rolled down my wet cheeks. My oldest aunty broke down and she called out for grandma. Then we all started to call out for her. The atmosphere there was heart wrenching.
Yesterday went to collect grandma’s ash. Her bones had pink and yellow. They said that pink represents that she did a lot of good things while she was alive and the yellow was because she had been eating a lot of medicines because of her diabetes and high blood pressure, and the medicines stained her bones.

It was sad to see grandma lying in the coffin. Can you imagine? I have been seeing her moving around and talking to me for the last 17 years. Although she had a lot of illnesses, but she is still able to go shopping on her own and look after the house.

She was still talking and advising me the day before her operation when I went to see her. I hugged her and told her that everything will be fine, and promised to treat her durians and mangoes after her operation.

She didn’t know that she was operating to take out the cancer in her stomach, not just a normal tumour. After her operation, the cancer was gone, but more problems came out. The miscommunication between the hospital staffs made it worse. Finally, she was free from all the illnesses and sufferings, but she’ll never wake up to hug me anymore. I am angry at her. How can she bear to leave us and see us crying when we cant bear to leave her at all? Probably it’s time for her to really enjoy life up there in heaven with god, and I hope that she’ll be watching us from above.

Misses always grandma, and may you rest in peace.